


Transitions

by thistle_do_nicely



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-02-28 01:51:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2714549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thistle_do_nicely/pseuds/thistle_do_nicely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 4x09</p>
<p>Shaw doesn't really get to deal with her anger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The beginning

Her eyes opened and she felt the room slowly come into focus. Every time she blinked the room spun round violently. This was not a good sign.

_Was I drinking last night_?

Her throat felt like she had been drinking, dry and itchy, and her head was throbbing. It was only when she turned her head to the right to see who it was that she could sense in the room that she felt the twinge in her neck and it hit her. She was in the batcave. And not through choice.  
  
 _Root._  
  


_How could she?!_   


  
She felt the rage flow through her and it gave her the energy she needed to sit bolt upright. That was a mistake. The room started spinning faster and a wave of nausea brought her dangerously close to losing what little she had in her stomach. Somehow she managed to grip on to the side of the cot and took a deep breath in, holding it until she felt the urge to vomit pass. She let out her breath slowly and realised that Harold had rushed over, as best he could, to help her. He sat down on the edge of the cot, so that he was sitting next to her.

Between Shaw and the door.  
  
"Miss Shaw, I don't think it's wise for you to rush into anything. It will be some before the effects of the barbiturate wear off."   
  
Shaw started to reply but Harold firmly cut her off before she could start. "Don't even think about trying to go after anyone right now. You simply _must_ stay here for now. Miss Groves even left me with _this_ to help me persuade you to stay put." He indicated the taser in his right hand.  
Shaw raised her eyebrows at the thought of Harold attempting to tase her. "Don't worry, I have no intention of using it." He paused. "That doesn't mean I won't if I feel it is absolutely necessary." He tried to look convincing as he said it but Shaw's eyes were closed anyway as she fought off another wave of nausea.   
  
 _Reese_.

Shaw's eyes snapped open. "Finch. Tell me John made it out." There was a sense of urgency in her voice that surprised him.  
  
"Oh yes, of course, I forgot you had been “out” for so long. Mr Reese is fine and is already out working on another number with Miss Groves. Elias made it, but his associate Anthony was not so fortunate."  
  
"Scarface? Shame. Does this mean that we're about to be in the middle of a Brotherhood/Elias storm?"  
  
"I'm afraid so. Elias has proved a useful ally but I doubt we can protect him in the long term and not if he goes after Dominic as aggressively as he suggested. The best we can hope for is that somehow this struggle attracts the attention of Samaritan and it shifts the focus away from us."  
  
Another raised eyebrow from Shaw.   
  
"Yes. I know. Clutching at straws." Finch's shoulders sank. They sat in silence for a moment. He looked over at Shaw who was clenching her jaw, looking like she was wrestling with whether to say something or not. "You know, she really didn't have choice."  
  
Shaw just stared straight ahead. Finch could have sworn he could hear her teeth grinding.  
  
"She lied to me". Said though gritted teeth, her voice was dripping with disgust.  
  
"As I said, she had no choice. If you had left the shadow map, which you had to to get to John, you would have been caught by Samaritan. Now, I -". Shaw opened her mouth to speak but again she was cut off before she got started. "I know that you are not scared by that but, as Miss Groves told you, other people _are_. It's not just that they would have killed you - and I have no doubt that they would have done that - but that would merely been the beginning. You wouldn't have been alone because you know she wouldn't, she couldn't, let you go in there on your own. But Samaritan wouldn't kill her. They..." He stopped and looked over at Shaw.  
  
"They would want information. About the Machine. About you. And John. And they would.... torture her." It almost came out as a whisper.

_She was right. Dammit, she was always right. Well, She was always right._  
The thought of anyone else hurting Root brought the simmering rage back to the surface. Except now instead of being directed at Root, it was now at Samaritan, Greer, the Machine and, herself.

_I could have gotten everyone killed._

  
"Yes, that is what I fear. You, know, Miss Groves is not really trained for this."  
  
"Harold, none of us were trained for _this_."  
  
"Well, yes, of course, but you and Mr Reese have a very different background. I know she is quite adept at making it appear as though she can handle the stresses but I very much doubt if her last encounter with this, uh, method only left physical scars."  
  
Shaw felt like she had been slugged in the gut. She realised that it felt like her anger was fading, being replaced by something unfamiliar. She couldn't quite place it. Concern? For who. For Root? For the team? Fear? Whatever it was it, she didn't like it. Maybe it was the barbiturate. Now _she_ was clutching at straws.  
  
"Don't worry Harold, I'm not going anywhere for now. I'd like nothing better than to kick some Samaritan ass and I think I would feel much better if I got to use that taser on Root - " now it was Harold's turn to raise an eyebrow "- but I know I am not quite right yet." She struggled to get the last few words out as she fought off more nausea.   
  
"I think I should let you rest some more." Harold stood up just as Shaw's stomach growled loudly.  
  
"Wait, how long was I out for?"   
  
“Not as long as the dosage should have caused.” Finch handed her a bottle of water which she gratefully began to drink. ”Maybe you should eat something before you sleep again."  
  
She gave a weak smile. Food did always make her feel better.  
...........  
  
This time when she woke the room wasn't spinning anymore. When she sat up she saw Harold, as she expected, sitting at the computer. As soon as he heard her stir he spun round in his seat. "Good timing Miss Shaw. We're going to need your expertise. And that bed."  
  
That could only mean one thing.  
  
"Who is it? And how bad is it?"  
  
"Miss Groves. And I don't know."  
  
 _Root_.  
  
She hated that she could feel her muscles tense up and her pulse quicken. She took a deep breath and stood up.   
  
"I'll get the medical supplies."   
  
"Mr Reese says he is 5 minutes away."  
  
She busied herself preparing the kit she thought she might need. The minutes flew by and as she was just finishing scrubbing her hands when she heard them arrive.  
  
Reese was carrying Root in his arms and as he lay her on the bed he said, "She's not breathing right. She got hit pretty hard. The blood is all from her head, but it's not deep."  
  
Root's face was covered in blood and Shaw could see a cut at her hairline that appeared to be the source of the still bright red liquid covering her face. As she moved closer she could hear raspy, shallow breathing and immediately her concern grew.   
  
"John, clean her face up and make sure that wound is not still bleeding. Harold, pass me the scissors."  
  
There was no time for pleasantries as she got to work, cutting Root's top lengthways, methodically listening to her chest sounds and her heart and checking her pulse.  
  
"She’s tachycardic and her right lung has a tension pneumothorax. There is too much pressure on her heart. I'm gonna need to decompress." She had no idea if either of them could understand what she was saying but it was what she had been trained to do and the routine was helping her stay calm.  
  
 _Shit. I haven't had to do one of these in years.  
_  
She took a deep breath as she gathered the needle and tube she needed and began to clean the area she needed with sterile alcohol wipes. She looked up and saw that Reese had already cleared a lot of the blood from Root's face. _So pale_. Her appearance and the shallow breathing made her look so fragile. Shaw felt her hand begin to tremble. _No. Not now. Focus_. She made a fist as she screwed up the sterile wipe to throw it away, closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. She had to get this right.  
  
 _Insert the needle into the second intercostal space at a 90 degree angle to the chest, just over the third rib_. She put the needle in and exhaled sharply in relief as she heard the air escaping. She removed the needle, leaving the catheter in place. She taped the tube in place and again began checking the stricken woman's pulse and heart and breath sounds.   
  
 _Better._ Shaw allowed herself a moment to close her eyes and this time the sigh of relief was slow. She knew Root wasn't out the woods yet but she wasn't minutes away from dying like she had been a few moments before. She searched for the anger she expected to well back up and found no trace of it.  
  
 _The last time I saw you, you stuck a needle in my neck. You lied to me. Betrayed me._  
  
She laughed to herself. _We've both stuck needles in each other to save a life._ _  
_  
There was no anger. Just relief. And confusion.  
  
 _Why am I not hating you right now_?  
  
"I can take it from here boys. If one of you could get me something else for her to wear, I'll get her stitched up."  
  
Harold returned a few minutes later with a t-shirt and found Shaw cleaning the head wound in preparation for stitching. He had been worried about how the former agent would react to her tormentor but as he watched her work he sensed that the simmering anger he expected to see was not there. Instead it almost looked like Shaw was being gentle. Well, gentle for Shaw.  
  
"That was very impressive work, Miss Shaw. Miss Groves is very lucky you are so forgiving."  
  
"Who said anything about forgiving?"   
  
Harold said nothing in reply and just watched as Shaw's left hand gently moved Root's hair further away from the wound. There was something almost tender about the way she was touching the stricken woman’s head. He wasn’t worried anymore despite her words.

"We're all lucky to have you and grateful that you are both still alive."

Shaw looked up at Finch and nodded. Finch smiled. This was as close as he would get to an emotional response from Shaw.


	2. Begin again.

Chapter 2

 

She wasn't watching her sleep, she was….simply monitoring her vitals. _Yeah, that’s what it is_. An important job to do for someone who had been minutes away from death a matter of hours before.

 

Reese was at work and Finch had headed "home" for the night. _Was it night?_   Shaw glanced at her watch. The hands read just after 5 and she really did not know if it was am or pm. Not that it mattered in the dark of the batcave. She wondered how long she would be stuck down here but decided not to dwell on that depressing thought.

_Someone better come up with a plan for getting me out of here._

 

She got up out of the chair and stretched, scowling when she felt the twinge in her neck. Still, she headed over to the cot for another assessment of Root's condition.

Again, her vital signs had improved further from her last check and Shaw was beginning to believe that Root was on the road to recovery. Relaxing back into the chair she put her feet up on the desk – _what Finch doesn't know won’t hurt him_  – and debated with herself whether she should allow herself some sleep. She didn't get very far before her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep.

\----------

_No. Stop! Don’t do it. Please!_

The plea that was being desperately shouted cut into her sleep, jolting her awake. She automatically reached for her weapon and jumped to her feet, scanning the room for the whatever, for whoever interrupted her sleep. She saw no one and no movement except for Root, still lying on the cot, crying in pain. Shaw quickly moved towards the cot; by the time she got there she had realised what was happening. Root was having a nightmare. By the sounds of it she was being tortured. _Control? Samaritan?_   Shaw didn't know and frankly, it didn't matter – the way she was moving was the real concern.

_She’ll rip the damn tube out!_

Root was grabbing at her right side and looked like she was regaining consciousness. Shaw grabbed Root’s right arm as Root began to sit up, reaching her left arm over to tug at the tube. Shaw reached her left arm behind Root’s back and gripped the injured woman’s left arm preventing her from dislodging the catheter. Root was half-awake and disorientated and in real distress. This upset Shaw more than she would care to admit. As Root continued to struggle, Shaw shifted her grip on Root’s left arm, sitting down behind her and sliding her left arm further round until it was resting on Root’s right collarbone. She brought her head right next to Root’s, gently resting her head on Root’s right shoulder.

“It’s okay. It’s me. You’re okay. Root?”

Root stopped struggling and Shaw could feel the taller woman’s shoulders drop as she stopped fighting an imaginary assailant, realising she was safe from harm.

At first, Shaw thought that Root was sobbing but she then realised that she was trying to stop herself from hyperventilating. Shaw ran her arm up Root’s right arm and said softly into her ear, “I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

With her arms around Root, her mind flashed back to the day before in the removal van when the two women were in the opposite position. “ _You can let go now._ ” She hadn't wanted to stay in such an intimate position with Root. All that adrenaline and her simmering anger at that blonde assassin had put her on edge and she didn't trust herself in such close proximity to the woman who she knew would just love to know what was going through her mind at that particular point.

Now? Now she didn't want to let go and there were very different thoughts racing through her mind. Anger at the thought of Martine and Samaritan trying to hunt the team. Fear at the thought that they might succeed. _Fear_. This was a new experience. Shaw did not like it. _Not one bit_. That brought back the anger and an overwhelming urge to protect the woman she was holding onto. Before she realised it her lips were pressed against the scar behind Root’s right ear. She hoped that Root couldn't hear her heart racing – it felt like it was thumping against her chest. _I need to calm her down, dammit. I need to make her feel safe_. But she could feel Root’s breathing slow down.

“I thought…” Root whispered, “I thought you were going to end me.”

“Yeah, well, change of plan. I hadn't thought that the next time I would see you, you would be half-dead.”

"That bad, huh?"

“Yeah. Plus I, uh, shouldn't have put you in that situation. I wasn't seeing the big picture. I couldn't see all the danger my actions could cause.”

They sat in silence for a moment.

Root whispered, “I guess I'm not as good at dealing with this as I thought.”

“Not many people are.”

Another moment passed.

“You need to rest.” Shaw finally said, firmly, but with warmth.

Root nodded. Shaw realised that this was the longest she had held anyone as long as she could remember. It bothered her a lot less than she thought it would.

“Do you want me to stay?” Shaw prepared herself for a typical flippant Root comment and was taken aback when all Root did was nod and turn to lie on her left side, holding onto Shaw’s right wrist with her right arm. Shaw swung her legs up onto the cot and lay behind Root on her left side, moving her right arm over Root so that her arm was draped over her waist and stomach. Root gripped Shaw’s lower arm as if to keep her there in case she changed her mind.

Shaw waited until she knew Root was asleep and debated whether to get up, but the part of her brain that wanted her to move away was drowned out by her desire to stay close to Root.

_Maybe if I'm here she won’t have another nightmare._

_Maybe it’s because I want to be here_.

As she drifted off to sleep, she realised she didn't feel any anger.

But she was terrified. And not just about the threat of Samaritan.


	3. A new beginning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decided I had to write another short chapter to round it off, hope you enjoy. Set between 4x10 and 4x11, after Shaw has escaped the batcave to help out.

Relieved that it just been a superficial wound, and that her medical skills weren’t really required, she reached up to return the bottle of antiseptic to the shelf in the corner. Reese hadn’t seems too pissed at her but he definitely wasn’t happy – particularly since the antiseptic had clearly stung the wound on his forehead. Harold on the other hand was practically ignoring her.

 

She heard Root before she saw her, hearing her footsteps stop sharply behind her and was surprised when she felt a hand grab her elbow and spin her round.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Root was practically shouting in Shaw’s face. Shaw was taken aback – she had never really seen Root like this before. She stood, staring Root down, trying to look defiant instead of showing any of the apprehension she felt. “You almost got yourself killed – you can’t just do things like that. And Lurch could’ve got hurt trying to save your ass.”

“I didn’t need saving. I was trying to help - I’m useless stuck down here.” Shaw was trying to speak with conviction but even as she said it she realised that it sounded selfish.

Root closed her eyes and sighed. She opened them and looked into Shaw’s dark eyes. “Don’t you care at all? I mean you said you did, but if you really did, you wouldn’t do this.” Shaw opened her mouth as if to speak but she had no idea what to say. All she could focus on was how mad Root seemed to be and how this made her feel. _What the hell is wrong with me – why do I feel…. Guilty? Scared? So what if she’s angry with me. Why should I…. care?_

Then it hit her. Hard. It was like someone had slapped her across the face and knocked the wind out of her at the same time. It hadn’t really just been about being useful. She wanted to be doing what she did best to avoid feeling… well, feeling anything. She was running away from dealing with what she had felt that night as she held Root. And now, as she stood with _her_ standing in front of her, berating her for this recklessness, making her _feel_ , she knew she couldn’t avoid it much longer. Or at least one person was going to get hurt.

“If you’d been caught they would’ve killed you, but not before trying to get as much information out of you as possible. I know you wouldn’t give anything up, but is that what you want? The suffering? The pain?” Root paused. Shaw’s eyes widened as she realised that a part of her had wanted that. “What about how that would make _us_ feel, knowing that _that_ was the way you had died. And that you’d died accomplishing _nothing_.” Root’s voice almost cracked as she said, softly, “Except for more pain.” Then, through gritted teeth, “Doesn’t it bother you?”

Shaw was reeling. _I deliberately put myself in harm’s way to avoid exactly what is happening right now._

_Coward._

_Look at what this is doing to her._

_And it’s my fault._  

She knew what she had to do but she had no idea how to do it. “I… uh… I mean...”. Shaw stopped. _Why can’t I find the words?_

Seeing how thrown Shaw was seemed to have an immediate effect on Root. Her demeanour changed, her face softening and her shoulders relaxing a little. “Look, you said it once, I don’t _need_ to hear it again – I just need you to _show_ it. I need to you to know that the actions you choose to take, or _not_ to take in this case, speak volumes.” Root looked down, avoiding eye contact. “It matters.”

And there it was. _Show it._

Shaw couldn’t remember ever having her heart beat even half as fast before as she began to lift her hands up towards Root’s neck. Her mouth felt dry and she hoped the other woman had not noticed her hands shaking as she reached out to grab both sides of the collar of Root’s coat.

She used her grip to pull Root’s head down towards hers and pressed her lips against Root’s before she could change her mind. As their lips touched Shaw almost gasped from the shiver that she felt run through her. She could feel goose bumps on her arms and the smell of Root’s skin filled made her head feel lighter. For a moment she was worried that Root wasn’t responding but that fear melted the moment she felt Root’s hand grabbing her hips, pressing closer to her and she felt a tongue run over her lower lip. Shaw responded by gently biting Root’s lower lip, raking her teeth over the lip and teasing a gasp from taller woman. Root pulled back a fraction, “Maybe I should let you do the talking more often”, she said breathlessly. “Shut up, Root”, came the grumbled reply. Root breathed, playfully, her lips almost touching Shaw’s, “Make me.” Their lips met again and the kiss deepened instantly as they both allowed their desire to take over. Shaw slid her left hand behind Root’s head to pull her head closer in and let her right hand drop down to Root’s hip, running it over her waist and round to the small of her back. Root was using her hand and her hips to push against Shaw and succeeded in pushing Shaw against the wall, smirking to herself when she realised that Shaw didn’t seem to be in control and that she didn’t seem to care. But then it wasn’t really her own brain that was in control of her actions at this particular moment either.

The connection with the wall had not slowed them down but something else brought their attention back to the room and away from each other.

“Ahem.” Finch cleared his throat as loudly as he dared. The two women broke the kiss, but their faces were still inches from each other, breathlessly staring at each other.

“I hate to interrupt but we have somewhere we need to be.”

Shaw turned back towards Root, with a hopeful look replacing the lust that had been there seconds earlier.

“Not you, sw-” Root began to say but before she could finish, Shaw’s index and middle fingers was placed on her lips to silence her. Shaw shook her head, sighed and looked up towards the ceiling. She looked back down, at Root, moving her fingers away from her lips, trailing her thumb along Root’s jaw as she pulled hand away. “Go,” she said, gruffly, looking away from Root, clenching her jaw.

Root trailed her hand across Shaw’s stomach as she turned away from Shaw. “Coming Harry.” She could feel Shaw tense in response to her touch, the smaller woman’s back arching slightly and Root saw her clench her fist at her side. Root allowed herself a flash of a smile and she bit her lip as she watched the response her touch had brought out of Shaw.

She felt Shaw’s eyes on her as she walked away and was surprised to hear the woman’s voice again. “Root.”

Root stopped and turned round to face Shaw.

“Don’t keep me in the dark.”

Her heart skipped a beat as she considered that Shaw was asking to be kept in the loop so she wouldn’t be worrying unnecessarily. She nodded and touched her fingers to the implant behind her ear.

Shaw allowed herself a wry smile. For the first time she could remember, Root was speechless.

 

**Author's Note:**

> (This is my first ever fic and I'd like it to be chapter 1 of a few.... if anyone likes it! Got some more ideas to play with).
> 
> Medical stuff because I'll always liked medical dramas...


End file.
